I wish my relationships were better.
Relationships disappoint.
Even the best ones leave us feeling unappreciated at times. Other times we can feel undervalued or even uninvited.
When we place the weight of our deep need to be complete or fulfilled onto our relationships, we will always have a cloud of disappointment lingering over our heads. No matter how well intentioned the people who love us are, they will sometimes fall short of our expectations. They, like us, are limited in their time and capacities. We disappoint too.
So, let’s talk about the two main adult relationships most of us have - marriage & friends.
First, marriage will not complete you.
As a child we’re sold some Disney dream that one day when we find the right person, we’ll naturally fall into a happily-ever after with ease. Compare our spouse to too many leads in romantic movies and the relationship seed of discontentment gets planted. Skip too many date nights, and the seed gets watered. Start wishing you had other people’s marriages, and that seed is now in full bloom, dangerously close to sin.
Second, friendships will not fulfill you.
Social media tells us that if we had really good friends, we’d also be on that really fun girls trip. We ask ourselves why we weren’t invited and why we don’t have a circle of friends always around us too. And the same seed of discontent is now planted. Wishing we were running in the “right” circles instead of letting that new, unexpected friend into our lives over a cup of coffee allows the weed of discontent to grow even taller. Feeling like we’re always alone is a lie firmly buried in our hearts.
So why are we always comparing our relationships to others?
When we look to our spouses or friends to completely fill our every need, that leads to a tension they cannot possibly solve. We then believe that we need better or even new relationships.
But the truth is, the weight just needs to be redistributed. Spouses and friends will not complete and fulfill us so stop looking around for something better. Only Jesus can do that.
When we have a solid relationship with Jesus - meaning we find our value in him, we know we are truly loved by him, that he will never leave or disappoint us - our relationships actually become better. We’re free to enjoy and love the people around us because we’ve stopped placing an unfair relational expectation on them. We see them as people given to us to walk this life with. To love and support us. But not to fulfill every longing we have. That’s Jesus’ job - one he’s so eagerly waiting to help us with.
So let’s stop wondering, “How do I make my relationship better?” And start asking, “How do I become the type of spouse or friend I wish I had?”
Because we don’t attract what we want. We attract what we are.
love,
vanessa